When mum passed in 2020, I was devastated. Grief is all consuming.
I came to realise that my grief extended beyond losing my best friend – it was more complex than I first understood. Six months after my mother passed, my then-husband announced he was leaving, leaving me with the task of sorting and selling our marital home. To add to this, my daughter embarked on her own journey overseas (and while I’m proud of her, it was still a significant change), and my other daughter distanced herself from me. I lost connection with numerous friends and ultimately closed my social club, a decision spurred by my commitment to healthier living.
You might think: so what? Get on with it.
Life comes with its fair share of highs and lows, and over the years, I’ve learned resilience and strength. But the hardest blow was losing my sense of purpose.
It’s the kind of loss that takes your breath away.
As Mum always said, “everyone needs a Charlie.” But now, it’s time for “Charlie to need Charlie.”
It has taken four years – four years of soul-searching, making peace, building strength, and discovering gratitude. The silver lining has been finding out who my true friends are, reconnecting with family, understanding where my purpose lies, and realizing that my “grey matter” is now wiser, stronger, and more determined than ever.
Looking back, my advocacy journey began as a family carer.
Becoming an unexpected carer comes with hidden costs beyond the emotional; it’s a lifestyle change, complex and more revealing than anticipated. During our time together, Mum’s simplest wish was to be acknowledged and truly heard. Mine was to make her smile. I was fortunate to have that dedicated time with her, yet I still wish I could have done more. And while I would give anything to have more moments, hindsight reminds me not to dwell in the past.
So, entering what I call the “third age” has led me to a journey toward a healthier life. This stage includes fewer people, but who are supportive, encouraging, and bring a new sense of community. They understand the path because they’re walking it too.
My new purpose is about advocating more broadly; for age friendly, less ageism and celebrating those who are over 50, entering their silver lining years. While advocating for mum was purpose driven, my new passion is to advocate for self, and take everyone on the journey with me. Let’s do this third age, with style!
>>>>>
It’s well known that the global age composition is shifting dramatically, with a higher proportion of older people than ever before. Too often, older people/workers are overlooked, despite their wealth of experience and innovation. My new initiative “Grey.Matter” addresses this by providing a dedicated space where their work can shine, connecting them with people who appreciate the value of their seasoned creativity. For example fostering age-friendly workplaces, that value the diverse experiences and insights of all employees, is just as important as remaining cognisant of our language about our over 50 colleagues in the media. Many people, particularly those who have enjoyed long and meaningful careers, do like to work. Additionally, those over the age of 40 are three times more likely to create successful companies as a result of their patient, collaborative natures, and their lack of a “need to prove myself” attitude.
Grey.Matter Studio.Life
We commit to fostering age-friendly workplaces that value the diverse experiences and insights of all employees. Our pledge focuses on:
Inclusive Culture: Cultivating a work environment where all ages are respected and diverse perspectives are celebrated.
Supportive Policies: Implementing flexible policies and practices that meet the needs of a multi-generational workforce.
Continuous Learning: Promoting lifelong learning and career development opportunities for employees at all stages of life.
Ageism in the Third Age; https://rdcu.be/dZTKe
Kydd, A., Fleming, A., Gardner, S., Hafford-Letchfield, T. (2018). Ageism in the Third Age. In: Ayalon, L., Tesch-Römer, C. (eds) Contemporary Perspectives on Ageism. International Perspectives on Aging, vol 19. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-73820-8_8
In the developed world, later life has brought more opportunities to contribute to society and pursue personal goals outside the role of paid work, combined with less stigma and greater recognition of the worth of older people. These values do not necessarily extend to the “oldest old” where some people in the fourth age (people 80 years old and over) continue to face increasing stigma and societal stereotypes from those in the third age (people 60–79 years old). Ageism between these two cohorts is rarely discussed in the literature. Potential ageism involves stereotypical perceptions of the oldest old and may prove detrimental to those transitioning from the third to the fourth age if a resultant resistance to maintain their engagement and independence into older age occurs.
